happy anniversary Katie and Vancouver

So it occured to me on my drive home from work;
(ps. i am again drinking a beer at 5:30am having just arrived home and am in 'reflection' mode)

yesterday marked my official 4 year anniversary of moving to vancouver. 4 years! what a wild ride. i dont think i'm even close to the image of the me i left in toronto in 2004... yet somehow i'm still drawn back once in awhile... and still carry friendships with all my favorite people.
I'm reminded of my drive out here... with bronny. That was a great trip. and i'm really glad i drove out. I think the extended travel gave me time to adjust to the move (10 days!)... although i totally cried after i dropped bronny at the airport. That was the first moment i felt alone in this new city. How amazing the time has past though.
It's strange also to think of how my time here has unraveled... and how after being on such a "track" in toronto, my life here feels a bit more like an adventure. Never very reliable or stable (re: comfortable)... but somehow there are times I can't imagine wanting to live anywhere else. The west has it's attractive qualities. but I suppose it's truely the glutton for punishment colony. ( and seriously, the weather SUCKS. almost always. Highest suiside rate in the country. If you love a white or grey sky you've love it here. the sun? maybe twice a week. and the moon? maybe once in a month)

I think i'm reasoning that i'm drawn to Toronto for the comforts I feel there. and the ease in which I can feel like "my old self" again...with my old friends (in their new lives)... and my family (also in a new life). There are positive elements to me that I think really blossom in Toronto. DRIVE being number one. Of all the many amazing people i meet in vancouver, my inspiration from them comes almost always more in their survial abilities. Where as in toronto, people have a success driven attitude. I get a real kick out of the city for it's "center of the universe" attidude. even if it does annoy shit out of me occationally.

It's a real debacle the way I am so torn. There are positive and negative to every equation I've tried.

One other thing I want to mention is how much I miss my family. It is strange because I never really missed them in this way before. I really like my brother's relationship with his girlfriend, and my parents continue to change... Things I never really noticed before become very centered in my mind. I'm excited to be back home with them again soon.

Ok the sun is rising...and it's not too cloudy. the sun will be out at some time tommorrow. lets hope i manage to wake up for it! ;p

Oh! and long drive to seattle tommorrow! It's the last weekend of summer and dusty and I are heading to Seattle... Tiff and Ali are already there squatting @ Ali's cousin's house. I'm not sure where we're gonna stay quite yet but I"m serioulsy not caring. there's a cute bar by the market i want to check out... the Pink door ?? yeah burlesque cabaret! ;)

good morning.
zzz....zzzzzzzzzzzz