my apologies to vancouver

It's not what you thought. i am still in love with you.

ha. my remorse for last night.

tonight fionn mccools was awesome;

I'm worried josh is turning into a silver fox too soon... well except for the fact that his beautiful wife is pregnant again and his bar is doing very well... aha, i suppose part of going grey and being stressed comes with a 'successful" life?

i talked to dusty tonight... ahh... vancouver. i cant' wait to be there.

i'm looking over my ping pong table, aka, craft table and i'm looking at alot of homemade gifts that i feel good about. i'm sad i wont be here to see most of these opened by my lovely family.... but i'm glad i'm getting it all done before xmas. freaking hell.


and the soap is working out. :) new and old batch work well in harmony.

xoxxxo

a funny thing happened on the way to bed

I think i've snapped.
i've just been lying in bed for more then two hours and within that time my brain began to swirl. I really shouldn't have written that last post, it just got me thinking about my impending return to van... I always get like this right before i'm about to leave/go/leave/come/go. it's this feeling of anxiety meets apprehension meets anticipation meets impatience. it is indeed the recipe for an ulcer... or at least insomnia. the worse is that i couldn't' relax. i'm just glad i have nothing to get up for in the morning otherwise i'd have the added stress of how late it is. ahem, 3:15am.
I am curing this unease with a scotch and a trip to 'write it out' land.

I have a problem with the vancouver end of my equation these days... mostly because i dont have a real stable platform to land on there. I feel like not having a place of my own puts strain on my ability to feel 'at home' there anymore. but at the same time with my enivitable back and fourth routine it's financially impossible to get a place. And the truth is i'm not feeling toronto. I haven't in years. I love it here in many ways but to consider moving here is just out of the question. I just can't see myself being happy with an apartment here, working in the land of indie lifestyle TV, once again immersing myself in this place... And while the west really calls me (and frankly has been screaming my name for the past 3 weeks... i can't WAIT to get back there right now) I still have this uneasy feeling. Obviously having my parents here to catch me like i'm a child makes my jumping to toronto really easy... and sometimes i guess the thrill of the uncertainty in vancouver is part of what i like about it.
Its when i start to get ahead of myself that it all goes wrong. I like plans, i like having a mission, i like to know what the next step is (or at least figuring out my next step) and as soon as i start to think that way it makes my stomach churn because my life in vancouver just doesn't have answers to that. I just never really know what's coming next, and what's worse, everyone around me there doesn't really care what's up next. The easy going attitude that i love, also tends to exacerbate my anxiety.
my career is something that has been a huge priority for me since i was practically in high school... I can admit that i've always known what it is i've wanted to do... and although my goals and ideas have changed several times over the years, there has been very little to ever stop me from perusing my next opportunity... And then there was vancouver. that city plays such an important role in what i want to be doing, and where i want to be... The people i want in my life. it's always so painful to leave vancouver and for that reason I think it's always kind of painful to return. I wish it was easier to set up a life there. I guess that's what it comes down to. Nothing seems to come easy to anyone in vancouver... and i'm all for working hard, but it's not about jobs. it's about life in general. It's about me getting a grip on something that makes me feel comfortable AND happy. so far i can only find both on a temporary basis... I constantly feel like i have unfinished business and no matter what's going on, i'm wondering what's going on somewhere else.

I'd also like to bring up that i am getting to the point (well, at least right now, tonight) that i'm hating living out of a suitcase. the thought of packing and deciding what to take and what to leave and NEVER having ALL of my things in one place really bugs me. and despite doing this for the past year im not used to it. The simplicity of it has worn off and now it's more annoying and alzthiemers inducing to always wonder when i cant' find something if perhaps it's not even here. or there. or anywhere. i am slowly going crazy. sing it with me. has anyone seen my black tights?

ahhhhhhhh.... deep breaths. i'm feeling better. I'm sorry if i've somehow upset anyone with my brain mush. I realize that maybe i'm revealing too much on a public platform, but at the same time i think my readership is probably only at about 8 and it was too late to call anyone.

it's almost 4. i'm still not sleepy but definitely tired. the worst.

wednesday

alrighty
it has come to my attention that i have only 6 days left in toronto.
it's been nearly 3 months since i left vancouver and somehow everything (so far) has turned out ok.

I also encountered a Magic 8 ball on set today and asked if vancouver was going to be ok, it said 'most definitely yes'. i also asked if my relationship was going to be ok, it said 'you can be certain.' I also slyly asked if dusty had been up to no good and it said 'not likely'... 8 ball rules.

My work on King kaboom came to a rather anti climactic end today with a stills shoot on green screen. I was there only to do lighting and poor Karim was very sick. 4 hours door to door and my last day was over.

I came home and am madly trying to finish up my projects for christmas gifts (at the ontario end) as well as last minute cards and wrapping. tomorrow is a casual diner with family and friends at Josh's Fionn McCools. It will be nice to see my bro, i hate not seeing him as often as i used to at home.

Packing will be another obstacle in my way of getting outta dodge and considering what to bring with and what to leave is always a battle. I found these super rad tags for my luggage at the dollar store. One says "NOT YOUR BAG!" and the other says "NO, THIS IS NOT YOURS!" cheeky, but cute. plus they are lime green and hot pink so that's a bonus. :p so very dollar store, so very me.

being november 26th means it's officially the 30 day countdown till christmas. For the first time in 5 years i dont feel particularly panicked or rushed... i think not going away somewhere warm is partially to thank for that. and looking forward to an early year vacay is also helpful.. I can't wait to see dusty and get back to vancouver... pray for mojo that the grey skies and rain dont suck my will to... well... just about anything. The weather will be snowy here very soon as we seem to be just dodging the major dump that areas not far away from here are receiving. i'm very grateful for that.

once again it's later then i wish it was... i get soooo sucked into reality tv about weight loss its sickening. and slice network is brutal for that. it'll be nice NOT to have tv again. i feel very addicted in a horrible way right now...

Had diner tonight at Ridgetown with DBW. I like having alone time with dad occasionally. He's a really great listener and talker... he knows so much it's pretty awesome, he's like a dictionary, thesaurus, encyclopedia and rubrics cube all rolled into one body. I'm very lucky.

oh, and my jaw seems to be healing although my stitches are coming out so it's sensitive for the first time since the day of. gross. i know.

:) adios for now

it's almost over!

one day left of King Kaboom.... well... at least for me as I'm leaving on a jet plane next wednesday. I'm sure the puppet shoot (which i'm sorry to miss!) will go down, and then the poor editors will be in like flin till the end of dec.

Its' been an awesome run, I really enjoyed it. Best job i've ever had to be honest... at least in terms of learning, growing, doing the work i want to do... etc. money> ha. not so much, but thanks to the parents this has been an outstanding few months.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, and then to the party on thursday night.

must get cracking though, so much Christmas crafting to take care of in the next 6 days!!

xo

season one is still kicking @ www.kingkaboom.com

clickity click

hey check me out. i'm a portrait photographer.




Vistek was celebrating it's One year anniversary at the mississauga location today. They had a free model shoot happening where they let us try out the lights, remote units and use pro models. good times.

EXTRACT my wisdom...

So my awesome dentist went to work and i'm hoping the tooth fairy still shows up these days.. ;)

it looks pretty knarly i think.

I have pain in my jaw, but it's not too unbearable. The dentist gave me stitches so hopefully it wont bleed or anything too gross. i made some jello and my mom bought me some delicious soups. good to go for my exciting weekend... craft room here i come!

1-2, 1-2-3. 1-2-3-4, wine show!

i'm off the hook.

guess who, how and why.

deep thoughts of a surely emotional masochist.

xo


ps. dancing at RockWood tonight. never again, yet surprisingly so gratifying.

the name lindsay porter suddenly is flooding my brain...

rob shaw had a baby.

It's not so much the baby, and it's not so much that it's rob's... and it's not so much that he's the first of all my favorite 4th stormont-ers (viva Carleton!) to have planted his seed...

actually it's all of those things. God, where was the foresight?


tighty whities clearly can stop no man. ahhhahaha, JS.

I'm reminded of all my lunches with Rob during my days at CBC and his days at Ryerson... and that time Callum tried to kill him over Tamarama... ohhh, memories. I feel old. Rob, i knew you when...!!

Congrats on little Lois, superman! Take care of your ladies, you're a man now.




ps. this is actually seriously freaking me out. i'm immature, ok?

wow

yet another TV mind-blow

an no, not micheal telstar.

I just learned that statistic show 15 MILLION americans are in the "morbidly obese" category. that's like 1 in every 2 canadians.
I also learned in the same stat survey that 2 MILLION americans are OVER 500 lbs.

Perhaps this doesn't surprise you, but it truely is shocking to me. that is a lot of people. I'm seriously mind blown.


I'm glad i went to the gym today. I'm glad i can use my legs for walking. I dont know what I would do if i knew someone in this category, it's so scary.

thankyou Slice Channel.

booooooooooo ze

i am hung over. and it's all cause i stopped drinking to cleasne my body. now it can't handle squat.

i refuse to believe it is because i'm getting old.

this is a whole day long hangover i hate it... i'm at work and my brain hurts. :(

damn you beer followed by vodka! damn you!!!

blink twice

ok
my reality tv porn has just come to an unsettling head.

Turns out Travis Barker has a reality show. ala tory spellng. ala gene simmons. ala paris hilton, tila tequilla and fat people. ala the hills. ala i hate myself.


i dont know why the travis barker thing is affecting me so much, perhaps because Blink 182 had an impact on me and my gr 10 self that has lasted until now. Something that I'd like to consider "influence"... in so far as the way the music can affect your mood, your emotions, your good times, and thus your life...


And while some would see +44 as a step backwards for the once punk rockers, I simply continued to enjoy what the world of punk-pop could push into the top 40. Somehow seeing Travis flaunt his ex wife and baby on reality tv, as well as in the tabloids makes me a bit queasy.

This is also on the cusp of me wasting a half hour researching who the HELL kim Kardashian is... and guess what. all i found is that her career designation is Actress/socialite.

really? REALLY?! Her only acting credit is her own reality show

I wont kid myself (or you) and pretend like i'm going to stop looking at celebrity gossip porn. Today just made me stop and think a little. it made me feel really bad for those who feel selling themselves to the tabloids is the best option for income. I mean, i suppose it's a little hypocritical because i'm one of the few idiots who actually read that shit. but i'm in it for the smut. for the chase. for the "caught in action' shit. Not the, hey life and style, i'll pose FOR YOU. now that's just sad. and frankly, it's going to put the paparazzi out of business. QUIT FLAUNTING YOURSELVES.. FOR YOUR CHILDREN!

Meet the Barkers




I'm also finding myself watching re-runs of the hills and really wishing lauren and brody were an item now.
as well, i've finally watched an episode of the new Degrassi (they are now in f'n university!) and it's awesome.

facebook

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=42477&id=504967435


cut and paste

soap in the motherboard

Hello world.

I'm basking away in my self- initiated 'office', or the control room on set, continuing to waste time before the next band arrives. This incredibly long day has had about 2 hours of actual working and maybe 6 or so, so far, that would require us to wait. yay film. slash low budget tv. i heart my job. ??

i did however manage to take some pics of my soap making endeavors so i'm posting some pics for your pleasure.

big lies... it wont load... check my facebook page for pictures :)

speedy

ok so my hectic few days have lead me to seriously break my blog-a-day streak. bah.

i'm on my way out the door momentarily to go to day one of band week 2 for king kaboom season 2. ha. i'm stoked i'm on the jib again and David our new baby duckling is steadicamming it up. shoudl be a good week, plus carpooling with christy rocks.

today i made soap: edition 2. more care, more love, less pain, more cinnamon. all in all hopefully better then the first edition.

also, yesterday a family reunion of sorts with Wendy, Nicks mom in town. My mother's cousin... my 2nd cousin? anyway, another BC realitive who lives in chiliwack. It was a good time and we're trying to organize a trip to see the Sound of Music this week.:)

shite, i'm late.
adios

the basement blues.

Well...
Today was a long and rather uneventful day. I spent the better half of it shacked up in the basement creating my latest sewing project. I have debated posting picutres of it, but seeing as it will become one of many homemade xmas gifts i think it's best that i keep it under wraps.

At the gm today i thought about my photography... or lack thereof. I got outside and took some pictures today just ahead of that and it really got me thinking. Tomorrow i'm going to try and take some more. There is a plethora of interesting set-up opportunities these days since every inch of the lawn is covered in fallen leaves. I wish i had more people around to take photos of, but i've decided that my jewelry is my next best thing. Jewelry in the leaves. whoot. Then a few of my dresses in our old grape vine trellis. we shall see how that turns out. ;)

ps. tv sucks. i've become addicted and i dont like it. I"m at the point that i'm thinking about TV all the time. I'm channeling Pavlov's dog and as soon as i make myself a meal the inclination to watch tv is simultaneous... it's not good. I wish i had another person around for crafting, it seriously makes it easier to concentrate when there's a little bit of distraction. :) ahhh, ADD generation.

blah blah workin' for a livin'

My bro's GF makes the best meals.
and I hear he cleans up real nice.

Delicious food chez John and Krista tonight with mom and dad.... after a short day's work on KK.

A weird shoot, somehow I didn't feel the best about it. Perhaps it's just the anxiety of the show almost being over, or something.
I suppose once i see it cut together i'll feel better about it. Ha, that and the several months from now THAT'll happen.

it was 20 freaking degrees out today. So shooting outside was very pleasant. november 6th and I didnt' even need a jacket.

I'm kinda obsessed with this random music by a random Burington dude named Kirby. I keep listening over and over. i guess i'm overdue for something 'new' . Even more coinsidental is that his video was shot by Devon and Robs Co. Who whouldda thought. it's such a small world.

back to el' craft table.

ps.

Obama won the presidential election.
America is painting the White House black.

History is made.

warm weather; westjetting?

November 5th and a lovely day for a long walk with a good friend.

it was 19 degrees and sunny out today. Although this fact is frightening as it is NOVEMBER, i'm trying not to ask too many questions. Just enjoy and take a long walk. :)

Port credit is lovely in the fall.

I almost booked my flight back to vancouver today. Almost. Good deals today for sure, maybe i still will. I get butterflies thinking about it.. I wish it was more obvious when would be the best time. Not having a locked-down schedule really causes some chaos.

dec 3? i think this is a good day. 4 weeks from today...

November 4th

alright, i failed.

a meer two days into NABLOPOMO (national blog posting month) i neglected to pay the fair attention needed to my little space on the interweb.

well, i'm back. it's day 4. holy shit that means november 4th.

Today i've had the day off so i'm knee deep in all things sewing, and crafting.


"This is Lye"

I've been carefuly mixing chemicals today in what hopes to be my first successful attempt at homemade (from scratch!) hand soap. a few minor burns (ahem, think fight club) later and the vinegar smell wont leave but my searing skin is feeling better. if only i could get my hands on some human fat. ;p



I've followed that up with some serious CUTTING of fabric. xmas gifts galore.

Today also marks the ELECTION in the US of A. who thinks racism will rear it's ugly head? I'm optimistic because i want Obama in charge, following in the Democratic footsteps of our favorite cock and balls Bill Clinton. However if the Republican history can prove itself any kinda foreshadowing, something tells me Mccain will find away to cheat, and win.


florida, i'm looking at you. and by florida, i mean SEX. no, i dont mean sex. but i am reminded of my other favorite american president JFK in the best short running animated series ever, Clone High.


i'm heading to lisas for some OBMAMARAMA. keep the faith alive.

Katie

day two, the 2nd

k, so november is national blog month which means dispite not actually being "posted" on the "official" site i'm still going to try and post every single day for the month of november. can she do it? only time will tell...

this past thurdsay we wrapped Twichers -- the "show within a show" on King Kaboom. all in all it was an amazing, challenging and special experience with Production league. I hope we can do more stuff like that (aka scripted episodic tv) in the future.

Haloween was fun times, i dressed as a lady bug. St.Onge/Ng household. Love that place. I keep the dance party open as long as possible, carved some pumpkins and DIDN'T get drunk. so far so good.

This sunday is a lazy one. I'm still squatting in St. Cats with Dan and Kim. Thinking about driving home, but not doing much about it. Lazy days are good ones.

I miss Dusty. exes and ohhs.

niagara is a heavy weight day

hello! it's freaking November.

dear amy butler,
while i appreciate you're enthusiasm for creating purse patterns that the everygirl is capable of creating, i'd ask you this. why the basting? please! fusible interfacing is amazing. especially when calling for heavy weight fabrics.
and the zippers are incredibly annoying and labor intensive, however i am enjoying the outcomes after all.

here's my day in niagara at Patchwork Porch with kim. Lots o' swearing, sewing and general good times. my amy butler bag turned out a-ok and i'm stoked that it only took 9 hours to complete.




this is the back... zipper pocket


inside! note the zippered and tool pockets!


front flap= another zippered pocket!



my pain during the day...


this was kim's amazing bag...